The solution is simple- put your child in a suitcase! It's easy and only costs you one carry-on bag. In fact, make it a game... kids love to play hide and seek. They also like cozy, warm spaces. Constant vibration lulls them to sleep. With any luck they'll forget about the game and nap all the way to your destination.
Step 1- carefully pack child into roller suitcase. Be careful not to catch skin or hair in the zipper
Step 2: Use the wheeled luggage to roll your little one to the gate. It's that simple!
This really is the best of all worlds. Don't sweat the TSA- they missed 75% of fake bomb parts in LAX... getting a kid through should be a breeze. A low-iron diet for your child might help.
For an added bonus, take the child out of the suitcase at the gate, show him off to pre-board, and stuff him back in on the ramp to the plane. And no need for a carseat- in the off-chance you do get pulled over the officer will never think to check your luggage.
Happy, safe travels this holiday season!
Play a game of "gopher" and have your child pop his head out of the bag periodically
P.S. Thanks to Aunti E for the photos!
P.P.S. This entire post, as well as much of this blog, is satire. Please do not take it seriously. At least the part about a low-iron diet. I doubt that will help much.